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Wie redet man richtig über Sex? Teil 2

Ok, heute haben wir frei und können uns ein paar Gedanken mehr zum Thema Aufklärung machen. Klar, so ein Gespräch mit dem Nachwuchs kann schlecht zwischen Frühstücksei und Toaster stattfinden und oft schiebt man die Aufgabe vor sich her, weil einem die Worte fehlen. Man will sich nicht verheddern. Man will nicht überfordern. Man wartet auf den richtigen Moment und dann ist es oft zu spät.

Deshalb werfen wir heute einen Blick auf die Tools, die gegliedert für Kids von 9-11 Jahren, für Kinder von 11-15 Jahren und für Kids über 15 Jahren zur Verfügung stehen.


Für Kids unter 11 Jahren

Starting the talk

You may want to have this conversation if you are suspicious that your kid has already been exposed to sexual content, or to prevent him or her from coming across it because you think it may happen soon.

If they are aged 9 to 11, they can type in Google “whore sex porn” at any moment, and Google will give them back a lot of yummy results.
(Try this by yourself if you are sceptical) If your kids are 9 to 11you will have a much easier time having this talk now than when they are older. There is no such thing as the “right age”. Speaking of sex is part of everyday conversations – and since they are very young, they probably already ask about their bodies and the names of their genitals. Kids also wonder how they got into their mother’s belly, or feel curious about a pregnant woman they have seen. This means it’s not a subject we haven’t had chances to speak about, but many times we’d rather not answer the questions, maybe because we don’t know how to do it or we think they are too young to understand. Nevertheless, we have to know that silence, not giving an answer, is educational in itself. And usually, when we don’t speak about something, we assume it’s dangerous, nasty or inappropriate to discuss.

When you both get past the moment of engaging the talk, with embarrassment or not, they will probably have loads of questions. Many educators say there are a lot of questions to ask about sex, but it’s hard to find a source of reliable answers. They may even have seen something they found upsetting, or had someone ask them for something – you don’t know what’s going to come up, but you are the best person for them to ask, so give them the space to do so.
Don’t sit them down for “a chat”. You don’t want them to think they’re in trouble! Or that you are going to lecture them.

Some suggested opening sentences could be:

“Hey, I was recently online and some videos and images popped up that you might have seen too. When I’m buying something online, some advertisements just come on the screen out of nowhere. Have you seen them too?”

“I know that at a certain age you might get curious about sexual content on the Internet and I would like that we could talk about it, if you want, and without me being the one who asks all the questions. I’d like it if you can ask me and I can answer your questions”

Everything You Need to Know About Parental Controls

Even if you’ve talked to your kids about screen-time limits and responsible online behavior it’s still really tough to manage what they do when you’re not there (and even when you are). Parental controls can support you in your efforts to keep your kids’ Internet experiences safe, fun, and productive. But they work best when used openly and honestly in partnership with your kids — not as a stealth spying method.

It’s not about controlling every movement they make, but about making them critical of the content they see and offer them support if they have doubts.
Here’s an overview of the different levels of protection available.

Your device’s operating system.

Microsoft’s Windows, Apple’s Mac OS, and Google Chrome come with robust built-in parental controls. To get the most benefits, you need to use the most updated version of the operating system, and each user has to log in under his or her profile.
Good to know: You don’t have to pay extra for them and they apply globally to everything the computer accesses.
Good for: All ages.

Web browsers.

Browsers, for example Mozilla Firefox, Google Chrome, and Apple Safari, are the software you use to go on the Internet.
Each one offers different ways of filtering out websites you don’t want your kids to visit. Learn how to set restrictions in your browser.

Good to know:

Browsers are free, but if you have more than one on your machine, you need to enable filters on all of them.
Good for: Younger kids. Older kids — especially very determined ones
— can easily defeat browser restrictions either by figuring out your password or simply downloading a new browser.

Kids’ browsers.

Sometimes called “walled gardens,” these are protected environments that fill up your entire screen (so kids can’t click out of them).
They typically offer games, pre approved websites, email, and various activities. Examples include Zoodles, Kido’z, and Tweens Browser.
Good to know: Kids’ browsers are usually free for the basic version, but cost money for a premium upgrade. They also sometimes display ads or Good for: Younger kids. Walled gardens are too limiting for older kids who need (or are allowed) greater access to the wider Web.

Computer-software controls.

Full-featured parental-control programs, such as NetNanny and Qustodio let you block websites, impose screen-time limits, and monitor online activity (for example, which sites your kid visits) on your computer or laptop. Many of these programs also offer added security against malware and viruses and will send you a summary of what your kid does online.
Good to know: They usually require a monthly subscription fee.
Good for: Kids of all ages — and especially kids who need a lot of support in following your rules.

Smart phones and tablets.

Some mobile devices come with basic parental controls — but the options vary a lot depending on what you have. You can also download apps such as Bark, Limitly, and TeenSafe to track and control online activity, including text messaging and social media. If you’re an Amazon user, Kindle Fire tablets come preloaded with Kindle FreeTime parental controls. (Learn how to set parental controls on the iPhone and how to lock down your iPad.) Good to know: To monitor your kid’s social media accounts, you’ll need their passwords and usernames.
Good for: Younger kids. Once kids get older, they will either resist any attempt to limit their access or simply figure out a way to defeat what you’ve restricted.

Home networking

There are both hardware and software solutions to control your home network and your home WiFi. OpenDNS is a download that works with your existing router (the device that brings the Internet into your home) to filter Internet content. Circle Home and Torch are newer types of WiFi router controls that are designed to be easy for parents to operate. They include the ability to turn off the internet with a single click when used in conjunction with the app.
Good to know: Mucking around in your network and WiFi settings can be challenging.
Good for: All ages


Für Kids über 15 Jahren

Fact: Most teenagers are learning about sex by watching porn. But since 71% of teens hide their online activity from their parents they can’t ask about the unusual or non-consensual porn they’re exposed to online.

42% of Internet users age 10-17 said they viewed porn in the last year. 66% of adolescents who saw porn online said they stumbled upon it by accident, according to a study by the University of New Hampshire. 33% of Internet traffic is porn. Porn is unavoidable. So what are the effects?

Porn can confuse teens about how sex connects with sensuality and relationships. It can be damaging because it separates sex from emotions. Most porn doesn’t teach women how to communicate their needs and desires. Furthermore, porn often gives teens unrealistic expectations about how to look and act. It can also teach girls to depend on men for pleasure or to prioritize
a partner’s pleasure over her own. How a woman’s body appears often seems more important than how it feels.

How to start the conversation

We know it’s horrible. It’s not meant to be fun. They will have as much, if not more, of a sinking feeling and sense of embarrassment and shame as soon as you bring this up. They may even refuse to talk about it. So here are a few tips on trying to get them to discuss it with you.

Don’t sit them down for “a chat”. You don’t want them to think they’re in trouble! Or that you are going to lecture them.
A good opening few sentences might be:

Here are the main pointers that you can try and hit:

  • Porn isn’t real sex. It’s people performing and it’s nothing like what sex is actually like. Maybe you’ve started having sex already, and maybe you’ve been made to feel like you have to perform a certain way – but you don’t. Sex is different for everyone and finding out what you really like is the best part.
  • I’m not going to tell you what to do, but if you really want to watch porn, you should try finding some more ethical stuff – the mainstream free porn is not representative of everything
    that is out there.
  • Women and men are hairy – they have pubic hair and it’s totally normal.
  • Racism is abundant in porn – and defining whether you find something appealing or not based purely on the race of the performers is as offensive as if you do so in real life.
  • Mainstream porn profits from making you believe that clichés are real – always remember that what you are watching is designed to make as much money as possible. So the performers’ real pleasure is normally secondary.
  • No-one should be expected to perform sex acts in exchange for anything.
  • Sex doesn’t have to be with someone you love, but it is always better when it is with someone you trust and who treats you with respect.
  • If someone wants to take pictures of you or film you, be aware that the most likely scenario is that they won’t be the only ones to see it. In fact, it could go viral – at least within your community or group of friends.


Erfahrungen von Eltern

I consider myself quite open-minded and liberal but I didn’t expect to find porn videos on my 12-year old son’s smartphone. I noticed he had been spending a lot of time in his room with the door closed. He doesn’t have a laptop or television in there so it seemed unusual. Out of curiosity I looked at his smartphone and found some very shocking videos. I felt embarrassed to be snooping there but also responsible, somehow. – Mélanie, 40, Paris

One night I went into my daughter’s room to say goodnight and noticed she had fallen asleep with the lights on. She was lying in bed with headphones on and her laptop open. When I closed the laptop I was shocked to see a pornographic movie playing. She’s only 13! Why is she watching this kind of movie? I never thought of her as a sexual person before. She has never even had a boyfriend. I told my husband and we decided to tell her these kind of movies are not appropriate for someone her age. Now I wonder if we should have explained them more…but I don’t know where to start! – Alicia, 42, Madrid

Mehr Fragen und Einblicke hier: www.thepornconversation.org

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